Apparently she took this to mean that I desperately wanted her to advise me on what I was doing wrong in my life.
"I know a lot of things that could really help you." She started. I thought maybe she was a Jehovah's Witness. "I'm gonna give you some encouragement. I used to be over 200 lbs and now I'm down to 160. The key is portion control. You just have to watch what you eat. I could give you lots of help and tricks."
Bam! Standing in line at a store and all of a sudden I'm jarringly reminded that I am fat and that society vehemently disapproves of me because of it. For Pete's sake, I now have strangers offering their assistance. How hideous am I, that I had garnered the pity of complete strangers. (These were the thoughts and feelings that this woman's offer of help had brought on.)
But I just smiled and said, "Oh, I'm managing okay." Like I had a disease.
She tried again. "Honestly, I was almost as big as you, and I've lost like 60 pounds."
Slap. NO ONE is ACTUALLY as big as you.
I was quickly paying for my purchases and trying not to meet the eye of the very sweet cashier that I always chatted with; I was ashamed that she was over-hearing this conversation. I was very glad that my daughter, standing beside me, was still too little to understand what this woman was talking about.
"No, thanks. Like I said, I'm doing okay. Congratulations though, you look great." Why. the hell. was I complimenting her?!
I grabbed up my bags and took off out the door.
Now, I'm sure this woman thought she was being helpful. I'm sure she really had lost 60 pounds and was feeling great and wanted to be able to share her success with a fatty who wasn't yet "reformed". But she should have shut the hell up.
She had absolutely no idea who I was. She didn't know my story. She didn't know what struggles I'd gone through. For all she knew, I could have once been bedridden and maybe I'd already lost hundreds of pounds and was finally, for the first time in years, able to walk around. (I should have lied and told her that, and seen what she had to say then!)
Unsolicited advice may be my least favourite thing in the world.
I'm a bit of a know-it-all some times. I'm also very opinionated. And generally speaking, I'm pretty passionate about my opinions. So, occasionally I can get pretty vehement and loud-mouthed about those opinions. I'm sure it often comes across as pushy and annoying. I apologize for that. I really don't think my opinion is the only opinion.
But for all my pushiness, there is NO WAY I would walk up to a COMPLETE STRANGER and start giving them dieting tips; or parenting tips; or tips about anything!
But you see this happen all to often. On buses, in doctor's offices and; of course, standing in line at a store.
As ridiculous as it is for strangers to give you unsolicited advice, it is actually easier to shrug off their comments and pretend you've never met them than it is to ignore advice from people you know. When friends and family give you unsolicited advice, it becomes much trickier to manouver around it.
Now, I have no problem with friends and family giving me ideas and tips they've heard about. Actually, I encourage it, big time. That's one of the main reasons I'm here writing this blog. I want that exchange of ideas.
My problem comes when they get pushy about their idea and INSIST that you try it.
Not every solution works the same for every person.
Let me repeat that.
Not every solution works the same for every person.
What worked for you, pushy person trying to sell me on their fad diet (this was a real occurrence I encountered with an acquaintance just the other day) may not work for me. Considering it involved meal replacement shakes it will probably NOT work! (For my previous horrible experiences involving meal replacement shakes please read here History of Fat Part 1 )
What I'm saying is that strangers should butt RIGHT OUT of other people's lives; and friends, family, and acquaintances should realize that, we appreciate the ideas, and we'll try the things we think will work for us, and we will discard the ones that won't. And please don't take offence to that.
Because...repeat after me class...
"Not every solution works the same for every person."
Bring on the conversations and the ideas and the tips and advice. I'm excited for them. But allow me to decide what I will and won't try. And you should feel free to do the same with any ideas and advice I share with you.
But wait, that means, you can feel free to ignore this advice I'm giving you about not giving advice to strangers...OH NO!
Okay! Look - just don't give me dieting tips in a checkout line, okay? Or I may give just give you tips on where you can shove your head.
La La La! Happy Monday! :)
Ugh. Yeah, I have the same problem with migraines, which are completely different for everyone. I get so many people saying things like "all you have to do is stop eating X" or "you should try taking an X and a big glass of water". People really don't seem to get the unsolicited advice thing.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah. Everybody seems to know what's best for you. And they're not shy about telling you, sometimes even when you tell them flat out that you've tried it and it didn't work. They're always sure that you just did it wrong. It can get pretty frustrating. :(
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