But What Have You Done Lately?

I've been writing the blog for just over a month now. My first post was on May 16th. This will be post number 37. 

And it got me thinking. 

What have I accomplished so far?

Tomorrow I have to take photo #2 in my "progression" pictures. It's going to look VERY much like photo #1. I have NOT lost any weight. In fact, owing to my flattering, but malfunctioning bathroom scale, I am actually 7 pounds heavier than I thought I was when I started. 

I have been eating terribly over the last two weeks. I have not been counting points because the food I have on hand is the stretch and scrimp kind, and it is not conducive to careful monitoring. I've been trying to eat only till I'm comfortably full and not stuff myself. But I've been doing nothing to "lose" weight; only maintain it at this point. 

These things could be discouraging. There was a time when I definitely would have thrown in the towel and declared defeat. 

But. Not this time. This time I'm fighting on. 

You see, over these 37 posts I've been discovering myself. My history. My reasons. My beliefs. And actually I've been discovering my body. 

And amazingly, I've been coming to dislike it less. I can't say I love it yet. And there are definitely times where I'm mad at it.  I have a ways to go to get to loving it. But I'm done hating it. I'm done punishing it. I'm trying to listen to it more. Learn it's signals, learn its rhythms.

I've spent SO many years (almost my whole life!) not just ignoring my body but doing everything in my power to pretend it wasn't there. If I had my way I would just be a floating head. 

But I have this beautiful, kind of miraculous, body. And its been here all the time and I could have, SHOULD HAVE, been enjoying it all along. 

But I'm determined not to dwell on could haves and should haves. I only have the here and now; and here and now, I still have the use of my limbs, even if moving can be painful at least it's still possible. 

So this month has not been a total loss. One thing I've always suspected but have proven to myself most DEFINITELY over the last month, is that you have to manage to love the body you currently live in. If you can't do this, you will never be satisfied and confident. You will always feel less than, and never be content with the image in the mirror. 

This is what I've been working on this month. 

The end of this month should mean slightly better cash flow, hence slightly better/healthier food. So, I'll start again trying to track and reduce my caloric intake. And we'll see what happens over the up-coming month. 

But with all I've learned from this introspection and all the wonderful conversations I've had with you guys, I'm counting this month a success. 

Today I'm going out sleeveless. That is a huge success. And kind of a miracle. :)