Friday, May 31, 2013

Apologize and Say Thank You!

It's time for Fabulous Fridays once again!  

That's right the end of the week is here at last and it is time to be PROUD of how fabulous we all are!

Today I have an exercise for us to do that involves apologizing to our bodies for the CRAP we put them through and thanking them for the challenges they've gotten us through.  

Yeah, I know taking to your body may make the men with the butterfly nets come and haul you away, but let's just try it.  

So, here's what you do - make a list.  (I have a feeling a lot of Fabulous Fridays exercises are going to require lists.  But, hey, I'm a Virgo, I love lists!)

First, list 3 (or more) things that you have done, or do regularly, to your body that is hard on it.  Then list 3 (or more) challenges that your body has met and overcome.  

So, I'll go first.  

Apology List:

1. The most obvious thing is that, throughout the years, I have ignored its signals and continued to put on more and more weight.  This is hard on my whole body; from my joints to my heart to my lungs.  Sorry.

2.  In spite of the fact that I carry around all this weight, I tend to push my body past what it is capable of doing in its present shape.  Carrying around over 300 pounds ain't an easy gig.  Yet, I have often expected my body to perform all the same tasks as a body that is only carrying around half the weight.  Sorry.

3.  I NEVER pee when I have to.  I put it off and put it off when I'm busy doing something, which is always.  My poor bladder.  It occurred to me the other day, how stupid this is.  I'm always thinking, "K - I'll pee as soon as I'm done this."  For pete's sake!  Go to the bathroom now!!!  Sorry.


Gratitude List:

1.  The greatest thing my body has ever done was to help to create and shelter my beautiful baby girl for 41 weeks.  Then it worked (VERY HARD!!) to bring her out into the world.  I don't think it will ever face a more monumental challenge than that.  But it came through for me by giving me this healthy, perfect little being.  Thank you!

2.  I have had 3 surgeries in my life.  I've had my tonsils removed; my gallbladder removed; and had a Cesarean section.  My body has pulled me through all three surgeries and healed itself quite quickly, with a minimum amount of pain.  Thank you!

3.  I have a really great immune system.  I am rarely sick.  I mean, I get sick, but not very often.  Even when I'm around sick people, my body is usually able to keep me defended from the germs.  Thank you.

So those are some of the great things my body has done or is doing and all the things I'm going to try to stop doing to it.  (Phew!  Say that sentence 3 times fast!)

Go ahead and make your own lists, and show your body a little love today.  Slather on a bit of lotion, treat it to a massage, or, you know - just don't wait to pee!

Ah...gotta go!  ;)




   

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Healthy, Easy, and CHEAP!!

I realize the title could be seen in a very bad light by those of us with a dirty mind. 

But I'm talking about RECIPES!! 

Once a week, I'm going to give you two recipes that will be healthy and cheap and as easy as I can find. :)

Hopefully what this will do is start to give all of us a portfolio of recipes that we can rely on to keep us on track. 

So here is recipe # 1!

Mama's Homemade Ziti!


1 pound 95%-lean ground beef
2 cups shredded carrot
2 cans reduced-fat and reduced-sodium condensed tomato soup
2 1/2 cups water
2 1/2 cups dried cut ziti pasta (or just use elbow macaroni)
2 teaspoons dried basil, crushed
1 teaspoon onion powder
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 cup shredded part-skim mozzarella cheese
1/4 cup shredded Parmesan cheese 

Directions:

In a 4-quart Dutch oven, (or any big pot with 2 handles) cook ground beef and shredded carrot over medium heat until meat is brown. Drain off fat. Stir tomato soup, the water, uncooked ziti, dried basil,  onion powder, and garlic powder into meat mixture in Dutch oven.
Bring mixture to boiling; reduce heat. Cover and cook about 25 minutes or until ziti is tender, stirring occasionally. Stir in fresh basil (if using) and mozzarella cheese. Sprinkle individual servings with Parmesan cheese.

Nutritional Information:
Servings Per Recipe 6 
cal.420, Fat, 11 g, sat. fat 4 g, carb. 49 g, fiber 2 g, sodium (mg) 649,


Recipe # 2! 

Chicken and Dumplings Casserole:


3 tablespoons oil
1 cup chopped onion (about 1 medium)
1 cup chopped celery (about 2 stalks)
1 cup chopped carrots (about 2 small)
3 cups low sodium chicken broth
3 tablespoons flour
2 cups cooked chicken, bite sized
1 cup frozen peas
salt and pepper

DUMPLINGS
1 cup flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1⁄4 teaspoon salt
1 egg
1⁄3 cup non-fat or 1% milk

Directions:

Heat oil in a large skillet and saute onions, carrots and celery until soft.
Add a small amount of unheated broth to the flour and stir until smooth. Slowly stir in remaining broth and add to skillet. Stir over medium heat as the mixture thickens.
Add the chicken, peas, salt and pepper. Heat on low while making dumplings.
Dumplings: sift the flour, baking powder and salt together into a mixing bowl.
Add the egg to the milk and beat until well blended. Stir into the flour until well combined.
Pour the chicken mixture into a lightly oiled or sprayed casserole dish. Drop dumpling dough by spoonfuls onto chicken mixture. (makes about 8 dumplings)
Bake uncovered at 400 degrees for 15 minutes or until the dumplings are golden brown.
Refrigerate leftovers within 2 hours.

I'm sorry, I couldn't get nutritional information for this recipe. But if you plug the recipe into an app like "my fitness pal" you should get all the info. 

Hope you have fun making and eating these yummy recipes!! :)

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Fat vs Skinny! The war must stop.

About 10 years ago I lived in Vancouver for about a minute and a half. While I was there, I lived with a roommate. (Cause who can afford to live alone!!) 

When I first met her she seemed perfectly nice, the place was "affordable" and clean, so I snatched it up as quick as I could. 

Then I started trying live with her. 

She was a super tall, super skinny girl who, looking back on it now, probably had some body issues of her own. I'd like to go back in time and tell her she shouldn't need validation from others to know that she was pretty. 

But at the time I just wanted to smack her. A lot. 

She would come up to me ALL the time, like at least twice a day, and tell me how hard it was being pretty; that she wasn't taken seriously. She would talk about how she ate ALL the time, but just didn't gain an inch!  

Then she would complain how HARD it was to find a size zero when she was shopping. "Everything is made for fat people!" she'd tell me. Me. The 200 pound girl sitting on the couch looking up at her tall, lean body and REALLY wanting to just...poke her with a stick.  Or something. 

I'd try sympathizing with her; telling her, that yeah, I knew what she meant cause it was actually pretty tough for me to find nice clothes that fit too.  But it was like I was talking to air. Because she would just wave away my words and launch into another speech about the difficulties of being beautiful. 

And I would grind my teeth and just listen; but it was in these moments that my extreme dislike of skinny girls began. 

Long after I'd left Vancouver behind and returned home, I would see skinny girls on the bus and just think; "Pfft, puffed up jerk!" The thoughts and feelings came unconsciously, but they came and it began to occur to me that I had a real prejudice against skinny girls. 

It is completely unfair, since skinny girls, the ones who can eat crap all the time and not gain an inch, can't control the way their bodies work any easier than we fat girls can. Their metabolisms are just naturally very fast and mine is just naturally very slow.  

It is NOT their fault that our current societal norms have them as models and us as jokes. 

And these little pictures that go around on Facebook, like this one:


REALLY have to stop!

For one thing, why the hell are we determining our worth as women, based on a MAN'S sexual preferences!! 

Secondly, are we really telling our skinny sisters that they're only fit for dogs? That's terrible! This war between women, that's based on the shape of our bodies and a ridiculous competition over what we think men want in "their women" has GOT to stop.

As women we all face the same societal pressures to live up to a completely unrealistic ideal. We need to fight those pressures TOGETHER!! 

So, I promise to stop seeing my skinny sisters as the enemy and start seeing them as fellow warriors. 

Just...just please don't tell me how hard you work to gain weight!  ;)




Tuesday, May 28, 2013

So, You've Had a Bad Day...

Some days just SUCK.

There's no happy face to put on that; it's just the truth.  There are days in our lives where we want nothing more than to be able to crawl back under the covers and start the day again.  Or; even better, just stay under those covers and ignore the world.  

For those of us to whom food is our comfort; how do we cope?  How do you get through the days when you wanna pull all your hair out of your head, without falling back into the bad pattern of emotional eating?  Or ending up bald.

Well, I have a few suggestions that may help you resist temptation and keep yourself firmly planted "on the wagon".

1. Find something creative to do.  This could involve almost anything.  It may seem strange, but I've found the act of creating something helps me to feel productive and gives me a sense of accomplishment.  These things inevitably make a bad day a little better.  

Also, if you can find something creative to do that keeps your hands busy (like knitting or painting or working on a car or bicycle) so much the better. They're less likely to stray over to a piece of chocolate if they are engaged in a task.

2. Exercise.  Sometimes all our frustration and annoyance with a bad day can be "worked off" if we get moving.  This can be especially difficult for those of us who only "feel better" when we snuggle up with a giant bowl of ice cream and a big fat book.  

But the snuggle and the book (and even a small amount of ice cream) can come later, after you've taken the edge off your frustration by expending some energy.  And the calories you'll burn will make it possible for you to enjoy that little scoop of ice cream without it unraveling your healthy living plan.

3.  Clean something.  This sort of combines the first two.  While cleaning can't really be seen as "creative", when you're finished, you certainly feel a sense of accomplishment.  And it is DEFINITELY exercise.  

4.  Dance.  I don't care if you used to be a ballerina or if you don't know how to dance the Bunny Hop.  Dancing is a great way to exercise, be creative, and work off frustration or anger at the same time.  Even sadness can be eased with dancing.  Music has INCREDIBLY powerful healing qualities.  Just listening to music can help you to release pent up feelings.  And if you dance along to the music you are not only burning calories, you are allowing your body to express emotion for you.  

It is also a terrific way to help you become more in tune with your body. Plus - it just feels good.  Trust me, when you are ANGRY nothing feels quite as good as ROCKING OUT to Alanis Morissette's "You Oughta Know".  

5.  Journal your feelings; or talk to someone who will really listen.  If you've got people in your life (like I am blessed with) who will JUST LISTEN to you when you need to vent, count yourself very lucky.  Now, I mean people who will let you vent and simply be there, without trying to add their problems onto yours.  You know what I mean, people who have to "top" your story.  You tell them why you're so mad and they say something like, "Nevermind, just wait till I tell you what Jessica did!" And suddenly the story is all about them. 

Btw, as a side note, I just LOVE when people respond to what I just told them by saying, "Nevermind! Listen to this!"  In other words, "who gives a crap about everything you just said - NEVERMIND IT! What I'm about to tell you is WAY more important and interesting."  NOT a good conversationalist.

But, I digress.  If you don't have a "venting partner" in your life, then journal it.  Some people find it hard to journal, and I understand that.  Sometimes it just takes practice.  

I advise people who are having a hard time, to write just EXACTLY what they are feeling in that second.  And keep writing whatever thoughts pop into your head.  If it makes absolutely no sense - WHO CARES!  No one will see it but you.  It's just your own tool to work on those feelings in a healthy way.

So, I hope there were some ideas here that will help you get through the next bad day without falling off the wagon and resorting to food.  

But I'll finish by saying this.  If you do step off your healthy path for a day, step back onto it tomorrow.  Do NOT let one bad day derail your whole plan.  A bad day, is just that (even if it turns into a COUPLE of bad days).  Pick yourself up and start back tomorrow.  Because you owe it to yourself to keep on going.

Good luck.  And here's hoping today is a GREAT day!!!  

Monday, May 27, 2013

A Remembrance

Today my mom would have been 70.  But we lost her at the age of 49.  It's been 20 years.  That seems IMPOSSIBLE.  

She died of complications from diabetes and a blood infection.  It's a little complicated.  Basically, her body was wracked with Rheumatoid Arthritis and uncontrolled diabetes for a very long time and it could no longer repair itself.

I'm terrified of dying young and leaving my daughter alone.

The age of 49 looms in my head like some kind of "end date".  I know this is ridiculous.  I can't stop it.  

I'm doing what I can to keep control of my diabetes.  I take the medicine my doctor thinks is best in order to keep my sugars where they're supposed to be.  I get regular blood tests to make sure my "long term" sugars are where they are supposed to be.

This doesn't stop me from subconsciously "preparing things" for Beth in case she never gets to know me as an adult.  I'm writing letters to her; letters I've been writing since I was pregnant with her.  I think they will be a lovely gift to her on her 18th birthday.  Or a kind of consolation after I am gone.

I hate these kinds of thoughts.  I am a big believer in the idea that the things you focus on in your life are the things that come to you.  So, if I spend all this time thinking about dying by the age of 49...well, it's just NOT a good thing to dwell on.

So, here I am, at the age of 34, trying very hard to extend my life.  The only way I know of doing that is to be as healthy as I can be.  So, I'm trying to get to a healthy weight; make healthy food choices; exercise as much as I am able.

I am trying to not only live a long life, but to live a good one.  One of my biggest dreams is to live well into my 90's or even reach 100.  Because:

I want to see my daughter graduate high school.
I want to see my daughter graduate University.
I want to see my daughter achieve her dreams.
I want to meet my grandchildren.
I want to meet my soul mate.
I want to meet the world.

I have a million hopes and wishes left to fulfill in my life.  So, I'm going to try my very hardest to forget the fact that my mom died at the age of 49 and instead focus on how fully she lived her life.  

Amidst her pain and illness, she managed to laugh A LOT; and love COMPLETELY; and make changes in the lives of other disabled people.  She married an incredible man and had two loving children.  Her boisterous and infectious spirit impacted many, many lives.

She left an incredible legacy.  And sometimes, I can see her soul sparkle just behind my daughter's eyes.  Proof, that when we are loved, we never REALLY leave this world.

Happy Birthday, Mom.  I love you.  I miss you.  I remember you.  

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Way to Go/No! No! No!

Alright, everybody! Gather round as we play everyone's favourite game:

"Way to Go/No! No! No!"

This Positive vs Negative game is sweeping the nation as the newest, Saturday afternoon parlor game!!

All we do is comb through the ridiculous amount of media images and ideas we are inundated with on a minute by minute basis and pull out one positive and one negative role model. 

Lets get started!!

Way to Go, Ms. Melissa McCarthy! 

This plus-size actress has shown the world that fat women can be smart and beautiful and HILARIOUS!  She has also shown that it is possible for fat women to be bold and proud and happy. With a husband, 2 kids and a roaringly successful career, she's proof positive that the lovely size 4s of the world don't have a monopoly on Triumph. 

And a big No! No! No! to Abercrombie and Fitch CEO, Mike Jeffries. 

In a 2006 interview that has recently come to light, he admitted that the clothing retailer was only interested in targeting the "cool kids".  

“In every school there are the cool and popular kids, and then there are the not-so-cool kids. Candidly, we go after the cool kids. We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends. A lot of people don’t belong, and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely.”


Wow! What a FANTASTIC way to teach teens that their social standing in high school is all-important and that they will continue to be EXCLUDED in the adult world if they are not popular and don't look like models during their high school run. 


Teens of the world! Harken ye to what I'm about to say. You know...listen up! 


When you get to adulthood, no one gives a CRAP about how popular and beautiful you were in high school. In fact the people who peaked in high school are a bit of a joke out here in adult-land. Do not listen to this man who, judging by his  obviously botched plastic surgeries, has a MAJORLY bad self-image and is trying to compensate by making himself more "exclusionary", and making others feel like less. 


The A and F brand have also stop selling anything above a size 10, because they don't want fat people wearing their clothing. In the immortally genius words of the fantastic, Ellen DeGeneres:


Fitch, please!


The fact that they can sell their over-priced clothing to ANYONE should be seen as a miracle. Nothing above a size 10? Seriously? 


Thankfully, Karma can be a real...fitch. Cause their first quarter sales are 17% below Wall Street projections. So...Ha. Ha. It seems being "exclusionary" is NOT a good marketing strategy after all.


That concludes this weeks game of Way to Go/No! No! No!  I hope you've enjoyed yourself and will join us again next Saturday!!

Friday, May 24, 2013

Fabulous Fridays!!!

I've decided that I want to dedicate my Friday blogs to all of us beautiful fat women and how FABULOUS we really are.  

Society sends a lot of messages to women about how un-fabulous we are and how we should all be striving to be something other than what we are presently.  If you're fat, you're told that you're unattractive and slovenly.  If you're skinny you're told that you look like an anorexic stick.  There is no pleasing "society".  So don't try.  

Instead, try to please yourself.  Realize the AMAZING person you already are in whatever body you're in.  

The body you live in today is the body that's going to get you to tomorrow.  

You are beautiful just the way you are - right now - today!  Most of us (myself included, obviously) are trying to change our bodies to our ideal.  We want healthy, strong and fit bodies.  And that's a good goal.  But I firmly believe that to achieve those goals, we have to LOVE our body exactly as it is today.

So, Fridays are going to be all about Finding Our Fabulousness!  (So what if that's not a word!)  Every Friday, I'm going to have some kind of body image improvement exercise for us all to do.  

Here is today's:

Find five things that you really like about yourself right now.

Now, although character traits are important (much more important than physical attributes, of course) this exercise is about fixing our negative BODY image issues, so I don't want us to focus on all of our wonderful character traits.

Instead find five things about your body (or face - but try to focus more on your body) that you like.  It may seem like a lot of emphasis to put on our body, but that's the point.  As fat women we either IGNORE our bodies or HATE our bodies.  So, by actually thinking about them and examining them, it will help us to get in touch with them.  And if we know them better, we may come to love them and realize the beauty of our bodies, just as they are.

So, without further ado, here are my five:  (Btw, I really do LOVE the "ado", as you might have guessed from my mammoth blogs - and my inability to simply say, "without further ado"!)


  1. My eyes.  I like my eyes because they change colour (they're hazel) depending on my mood and my clothing.  I think that's cool.  I was also blessed with long eyelashes, so I don't have to wear mascara very often.  (See, I had to start with the face, cause it's TOUGH to find "body things" that I like.)
  2. My feet.  It may seem bizarre since there is really no such thing as "attractive feet".  (Unless you have some kind of odd foot fetish!)  But I like my feet.  The toes aren't too weird looking and I have a nice high arch; which admittedly can make it tough to find shoes, but which I find aesthetically pleasing.  
  3. My fingernails.  (This may be stretching things, but hey - I'm working on it.)  But I do actually like my fingernails.  Again, they have a nice natural curve to them.  I only have to give them minimal attention and they still look decent.  They can look FABULOUS when they're all filed and painted.  They look great in a french manicure.
  4. My skin.  It's fairly smooth, with not a lot of blemishes. I don't have overly dry or overly oily skin.  There are; of course, quite a few stretch marks, but I'm going to have to learn to live with those.  Other than that, I'm really very happy with my skin.  I like the colour (although, it could be a tad less pasty.) and the texture.
  5. My legs.  After much consideration, I have decided that, YES, I DO like my legs.  They may be pretty flabby at the moment and too big for society's standards, but we've already decided to blow a big raspberry at society.  So I'll go ahead and say; YEP, I like my legs.  They are really quite strong.  (They ARE carrying around over 300 pounds!) and they have a decent shape.  They are a little short, but I like the line of my calves.
SO!! There it is, my list of 5 things I like about my body (and face).  It was VERY hard to wrestle out that list.  And it's amazing how hard it was for me to ADMIT to liking things about myself.  It kind of felt like I had to APOLOGIZE after every list item. 

But don't apologize!  Make your own lists.  If you just CAN'T manage to come up with 5 things, then come up with 4; or 3; or 2; OR 1!!  Find ONE thing you like!!!

Come on!! You can do it - because you are FABULOUS!!!





Thursday, May 23, 2013

Shh...Do Ya Wanna Get Sued?!!

So, I have done a little bit of blaming in my former posts.  Or at least, I've been giving a lot of excuses for why I'm fat.  I'm fat because my mom didn't know any better and put me on a bunch of fad diets really young.  I'm fat because after I lost my mom, I fell into a depression which then led to an unhealthy addiction to food.  

But the one thing you'll never hear me do, is blame fast food chains for my weight problem.  

There's a big movement going on right now to try and hold fast food chains and other junk food manufacturers accountable for the obesity problem that is so prevalent in our society.  A lot of people are comparing fast food places to Big Tobacco.  Since smokers have been trying to sue Big Tobacco for contributing to their lung diseases, some people are saying that we fat people should be suing "Big Junk Food".  

Here's why this is ridiculous.  

Unlike Big Tobacco, at no point has any fast food place claimed that eating one of their mammoth burgers was "no more harmful than drinking a glass of milk."  They may not dwell on the high fat content in their food, but they've never tried to lie about it or have doctors claim that their french fries have a "lower grease content".  The nutritional information, in all it's scariness, is located on the back of the tray liners in most fast food places.  And all food, junk food included, now has the nutritional information printed on the package.  

At no point did someone from the McDonald's corporation put a gun to my head and frog march me into one of their restaurants and force me to ingest their highly unhealthy food.  I went in there all on my own. 

Now, do they advertise really well so that by the time a child is a toddler, they probably know what the "golden arches" stand for?  Yep.  Do they show, in their commercials and magazine ads, skinny people eating a tiny burger and a salad - as if anyone has EVER ordered that?  Yep.  Do they tie themselves in with popular summer blockbusters so that people are more likely to go there to get the limited edition cups, or toys, or hats, or WHATEVER they're promoting?  Yep.

But I'll tell you a secret.  None of those things mean I NEED to go to McDonald's or any other fast food restaurant.  Parents are always claiming how hard it is to say no to their kids when they want a Happy Meal or a Kid's Meal.  

"They give away toys and then my kids want them!!"  

Yep.  I'm sorry, but I have to be harsh and say -  Suck it up, Buttercup!!  Saying no, is part of being a parent.  It's healthy for you to learn to say it, and it's REALLY healthy for your kid to hear it.  (But that could be a whole other blog post!!)

My point is, that none of these tricks that companies use to get me in the door, mean that it's their fault that I am fat.  I CHOSE to walk into the McDonald's or the Wendy's or the A&W.  And I CHOSE to buy that bag of lays chips - and NO, I could NOT eat just one.  

They may have tried hard to persuade me with their advertising (that's kind the WHOLE point of advertising!!) but in the end the decision was mine whether to eat that unhealthy burger or stay at home and make a healthy sandwich.  

I'll tell you another secret.  My lifestyle changes will still include the occasional trip to a fast food restaurant or a slice of pizza.  EVERYTHING in moderation.  MODERATION.  Which means ordering that small burger and a salad that I said no one ever orders.  Or, having a grilled wrap and a small fries and just enjoying the treat.  

All of this is just to say that McDonald's can probably breathe easy.  I'm not gonna sue.  

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

How Do We Keep the Next Generation Healthy in Body AND Mind?

So I have this amazing 5-year-old little girl.  

Now I know a lot of you are going to charge me with being biased because every parent thinks their child is amazing.  But seriously, this kid is truly fantastic!  She's smart and bright and sweet and SO kind and loving.  When my back is in unbearable amounts of pain, she comes up and lays her hands on my back and tells me she's going to give me some of her "healthy" power.  And sometimes she'll sing me a little song too:  

"When you're feeling bad; Just keep on going through! 
You just have to keep on going, and soooooon it will be better!"

See? Just a truly AMAZING kid.

And right now, she knows that she is BEAUTIFUL.  She knows it in that care-free, 5-year-old way.  The kind of knowledge that allows her to happily wear purple striped tights, a ballet tutu, a puppy dog T-shirt, and then top it all of with a snowflake hat and a plastic tiara.  That's effortless beauty.

She IS beautiful.  She's got these big brown eyes that are bright and full of life and curiosity.  (Sometimes a little too much curiosity!)  She's got eyelashes as long as her arm, skin the colour of a very creamy cafe au lait, and a smile that's gorgeous enough to charm just about anyone.  She's tall and long-limbed.  She's strong and fit and healthy.  

I SO want her to stay that way.

Which brings us to my major fear: 

How Do I Keep Her Healthy Without Passing On My Body Image Issues?

I want to make sure that she stays healthy and that she doesn't end up with the same health problems I'm dealing with now; diabetes and back pain.  And of course, I want her to avoid the kind of ridicule and bullying that overweight kids receive in school.  

When I think about these things; though, I hear the ghost of MY mom's concerns for me, and I want to make sure that I don't heap my own paranoia and fear of weight gain onto my beautiful girl.

I want to impress upon her how important it is that she eat healthy and get lots of exercise to keep her body fit and in good working condition, but I want to do that without giving her a complex about her weight.  

So far, I'm just trying to make her understand what healthy food does for your body versus what unhealthy food does.  I try to teach her that the "junk food" is yummy and good for a treat, but real food is also yummy and good for your body.

Now that I'm trying to eat better I'm hoping she'll learn by example, the idea and practice of moderation.  I just hope I'm not too late to teach her what healthy eating and an active lifestyle look like.  (Well, as active as I can be right now with a walker.)  

I want to get this right because I don't want ANYTHING to damage this truly amazing kid.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

The obesity epidemic...finding a cure.

So, I want to talk today about obesity and its correlation to poverty.

I'll start out by saying that I am not speaking in absolutes here. (Technically, I'm not speaking at all!)  All poor people do not have obesity problems and not all obesity problems stem from poverty. But the link between the two can not be ignored. 

There are many factors surrounding poverty that can lead to overweight children and adults. 

Now, children who are overweight have very little say in the food that is available to them and often they are presented with few opportunities for exercise. So, the onus for helping these children become or remain healthy must lie with the parents. 

So, let's look at some of the reasons parents and adults in general have a hard time eating healthy and exercising if they're living below the poverty line. 

1. It is almost ALWAYS cheaper and more filling to buy unhealthy foods. Now, most people will say fruits and veggies aren't that expensive compared to meat. And that's true; IF you're buying them only a couple at a time. But if you have to buy enough produce to fill the bellies of an entire family it can get pretty expensive. If instead, for less money, you can buy a big bag of pasta and a can of spaghetti sauce that will fill everyone up and leave pasta left over for next time, that's the way you're going to go when you're on a very tight budget.  

2. Produce spoils quickly. A lot of people (myself included) who are on government assistance, get payments once a month. This means that we buy veggies once a month. They usually hold out for a week to a week and a half and then we're veggie-less again. I've started buying frozen veggies to fill the gap. But there isn't nearly the variety that there is in fresh veggies. If you want something more than peas and carrots, you're usually going to have to pay more. 

3. Healthy, lean meats are the most expensive meat around. Chicken is astronomically priced these days. To buy skinless chicken breasts you pretty much have to take out a loan from the bank. Ground turkey is almost twice the price of ground beef. And the leaner you want your ground beef the higher the price climbs. One of the healthiest foods around, fish, costs TWO arms and a leg; one arm if you can find it on sale. 

4. Apple "beverage" is a dollar and a half cheaper than real apple juice. As long as 4 litres of milk costs $5.00 and 4 litres of cola costs $2.50, we're going to have a problem.  

5.  Parents who work full-time or go to school full-time have an incredibly hard time finding time to make healthy meals; especially if they're single parents. And more especially if they don't have a car. If your bussing it from work or school to pick up your kids at daycare and then bussing home, by the time you get there it's often after 6:00 and you've got an hour to an hour and half, to get a supper together and talk to your children who you haven't seen all day. 

All of this comes after working all day, so that you're exhausted and want nothing more than to just relax. Doesn't it seem like a much easier option to order something in or grab take out? Or even grab some of those horribly processed, high sodium, high sugar "convenience foods" that you can make in the microwave in 10 minutes? 

6. Bargain shopping without a car is pretty much impossible. For a lot of poor people, comparison shopping is simply not a reality. A lot of times we have to shop at whatever store is closest to us, often convenience stores or over-priced corner stores. These places often offer little in the way of healthy food. Also, being without a car to shop means you can't buy large amounts of groceries at a time. This means you can't take advantage of the "bulk buying" prices of places like Costco. This makes it harder to meal plan and thus harder to eat healthy. Because you can't plan your food out as well, you can't plan your time out as well, meaning you're much more likely to eat those bad "convenience foods" or get something delivered. 

7. Education. For some people, they've grown up in a cycle of poverty and that cycle includes bad eating habits. If people are not taught how to eat healthy they will continue to eat in the same way their parents did. 

8.  Exercise can be expensive too! Walking is free. But I'd like to cite again, the working single parent who has barely enough time left in the day to speak to her kids and eat something, let alone go for a 30 minute walk. Also, remember the exhaustion. 

As well, a lot of poor people live in neighborhoods where walking around past a certain time can get pretty dangerous. So, then walking isn't always an option. 

Our city (Winnipeg) has some facilities that you can access for free if you're low income. (I'm not sure about other cities, but ask your city councillors!) Still, even with our city, the application process can be a bit crazy. And you have to reapply every 2 months. It takes 4-6 weeks for the application to go through. So, basically you're ALWAYS applying.  It also only allows for 10 visits in that 2 month period.  Again, this is certainly better than nothing, but not exactly the "regular exercise" doctors are calling for. 

Finally, I want to say that I'm not writing all of this to try to make a bunch of whiny excuses. If you want to make healthy lifestyle changes, you will find a way to make them, no matter what. I just want people to understand that when you're poor those changes can be MUCH harder to make, which is why the poverty epidemic and obesity epidemic go hand in hand. Maybe one day we can cure them both. 

Monday, May 20, 2013

Picture # 1: May 20, 2013


Don't Make Me Defend Kim Kardashian!

So, I don't like Kim Kardashian.  Or, I guess I should say that I don't like the television persona that Kim Kardashian puts forth; since I've never met her and so I have no idea whether I'd like the real woman behind the screen.

But I REALLY dislike that persona; the one that is nothing but a reality show fame whore seeking out attention at all costs. (See, I REALLY don't like her.)

But recently she wore a truly hideous dress (in my humble opinion) to a red carpet event and was photographed a million times over in said hideous dress. Then the images were plastered on every magazine and webpage in existence with gleefully spite-filled headings like, "Kim packs on the pounds!" and "Kim Kauses Komotion" (don't get me started on the horribleness of that last one!)

What was seemingly overlooked or at least not seen as an acceptable excuse, was the fact that she is growing a human being inside her uterus.  Has she put on some weight?  Yep.  Is she full of water and blood and amniotic fluid and a developing human?  Yeah?  Then cut her some friggin' slack!!

It makes me angry enough to see all those crap headlines that track every inch Kirstie Alley gains and loses and the ones about, "Who Has the Worst Beach Body?".  But to get after a PREGNANT woman for gaining weight?  What the heck is next?  Upbraiding the elderly for having wrinkles?  (Oh wait!  Society kind of already does that!)  Maybe she's gained a little more weight than what is strictly baby and maybe she hasn't.  The point is why does the media and our society at large care so much?  

It's because being a larger woman means you've committed a crime against society's laws.  If you're larger than a size 4, maybe it means that you don't buy into the media brainwashing that everyone has to BE a size 4 or smaller to be happy.  

This leaves you open for ridicule like no other trait.  We have thankfully evolved past the days when it was culturally acceptable to ridicule people because of the colour of their skin or because of their ethnicity.  We are (ever so slowly) leaving behind the days when sexual orientation was something that people (adults anyway) could openly make fun of.  

But don't worry, bullies of the adult world, cause fat women (fat people, really) are still fair game.  That's because most people still see fat people as lazy and stupid; too lazy to exercise and too stupid to understand how to eat healthy.  

But the fact is that poverty plays the biggest role in why people become overweight.  I'm going to have a much bigger rant on that another day.

For now, can we just agree to stop picking on Ms. Kardashian because she had the audacity to gain a couple of pounds during PREGNACY, and go back to picking on her because her stupid reality shows are bringing down the collective intelligence of the viewing public?  

See, I really don't like defending her!

Saturday, May 18, 2013

The History of Fat: Part 2

So, when last we left our intrepid dieter she had suffered the loss of her mom at the age of 14. Let's see how this will affect the heroine of our story. 

The answer to this weird "narration" is, of course that it affected everything, it changed everything. For one thing, it apparently makes me speak about myself in third person. 

Seriously though, I don't think I'm going to surprise anyone by saying that having my mom die when she was only 49 was atrocious on an epic scale. I went through all the stages of grief; denial, bargaining, anger depression and acceptance. The depression stage stuck around for a LONG time and the acceptance one was quite a while in coming.  And spread throughout all the stages (including long after I came into acceptance) was the "binging on food" stage. 

After a 2-3 month long denial phase where I kept assuring everyone who asked that I was, "Fine. Really!" (and I ACTUALLY believed this to be true) I crashed hard into reality. 

When the numbness finally faded there was nothing left to block the glaring reality that my mommy was dead and I would never get to see her; or hug her; or talk to her again. 

I wanted to escape that reality more than anything. Thankfully, there was an insistent, logical voice that kept telling me that escaping into a substance like drugs or alcohol was sure to ruin my life. That voice (it sounded like a combination of my Dad and the bad voice-over from an After School Special) assured me that only pain existed down that path. 

So, I found a different crutch. I found a way to smother feelings and dull the pain with something that no one had warned me about.

Food. 

Of course I knew that eating too much would make me fat. But compared with being a strung-out junkie, some extra weight didn't really seem so bad. 

What I didn't think about was how unhealthy it would make me in the long run. Or how dependent I would become on food to cheer me up. 

"Having a crappy day? What's more effective than "comfort food" to comfort you? 
Disappointed by something? Soothe your frustration with a giant bowl of ice cream!
Angry? Bury that anger deep under a mountain of McDonald's!"

As strong as any other addiction was my "high" of being overly full.  When most people are stuffed they tend to think, "Ugh!  I ate WAY too much!"  But I just felt satisfied.  I didn't realize what an addiction that feeling of fullness had become until MANY years later when, as a new mom I was happy and content and SO in love with my beautiful baby girl.  But still, I wouldn't feel "complete" until my stomach felt full.  

I want to stress that I'm not talking about a regular, healthy, full feeling.  That's what you should be looking for; you should be listening to your body's natural signals that will tell you, "Ding! That's it, your stomach is full and you've received all the nutrition and fuel you need right now."

I'm talking about a stretched out, filled beyond capacity feeling.  Gorged.  I'm talking - a whole extra large pizza; 12 hot wings; 16 cinnamon sticks; and a bag of chips - kind of full.  The kind of over-stuffing that gets you to over 300 pounds.  And I found myself unable to stop "chasing the high" that came with that STUFFED feeling.  I simply couldn't feel "settled" without it.  If I ate less than that, I felt like I was missing something; hungry for something far beyond the food I craved.

It's incredibly hard to explain if you've never experienced it, but what I've finally come to understand is that I had comforted myself with food for so long that without that feeling, I was unable to feel happy and comforted.  It was like an itch.  Like a need.  Like an addiction.  There was no doubt about it.

And as I sat in my living room, jonesing for a pizza to the point of desperation, it occurred to me, finally, at the ripe old age of 30, that maybe, just maybe I had a problem bigger than just not fitting into a size 6.  

I'd like to be able to say that that moment of epiphany made all the difference and I immediately kicked the habit and have been shedding off the pounds ever since.  But, of course, I wouldn't be here, writing this today, if that was the case.  It took a LONG time and a LOT of soul-searching, depression-fighting and frustration-coping (with a fair bit more denial thrown in) before I was finally, actually ready to do something about it.

The moment came last May long weekend when I went out to our extended family's trailer for the day and broke one of their chairs.  This was NOT a spindly little chair.  This was a big, "bought especially for me", rugged camp chair.  You know the kind; it's made of canvas and folds up to be put away.  Well, our lovely friends had thought about me and bought me a chair that would be just mine to use when I was there.  It was made especially strong and was meant, I'm sure, to be used by big, ice-fishing men. 

Well, I broke it.  

I was sitting on it and all of a sudden - SNAP!! One of the rivets broke on it.  And that was it.  That was my "turn around" moment.  Not only was it incredibly embarrassing (In spite of the assurances that "It's no big deal!" and "It was probably just a weak rivet.") but it was also amazing to me that I had actually allowed myself to get to that point.  

So, the next day I went to my doctor's office and weighed myself for the first time in years.  I was 355 lbs.  I was OVER three hundred and fifty pounds.  It was a little heart-breaking, but also kind of solidifying.  I was now 100% sure that I was done with making food more than fuel for my body.  So, that afternoon I pulled out some old Weight Watchers stuff I had and began "counting points" the very next day.  

I did things slowly and there were a couple of setbacks, after all when a drug addict or alcoholic get sober they can avoid all contact with their addiction.  That's not really possible with food.

But I had hit my "rock bottom" and was definitely ready to scratch my way back up.  I was doing great all summer and into the beginning of the fall.  In total, I lost 46 lbs and was down to 309 lbs.  I was close to breaking the 300 pound mark; a barrier that I was very excited to see the other side of.  Then in the middle of October, the Universe decided to send another challenge my way, so out popped a disc in my back.

Over the last eight months I've been dealing with incredible pain and fighting off a lot of depression.  It seemed to me for a while that the Universe didn't want me to succeed; that this was some kind of karmic retribution for never fully understanding the pain my mom had dealt with for years and years.  

But I have now come to a different, and much more hopeful conclusion.  I believe that the pain I'm in now is a direct result of having cared improperly for my body for A LONG time.  Then when I began exercising more, my body was simply unprepared for the changes and it got hurt.  It's nothing more than biology and physics.  I was a body out of motion for so long that I could no longer handle being in motion.  

(And maybe, just maybe, the Universe saw this as a chance to challenge whether or not, I was real in my desire to change.)

I have to admit, that I have turned to food a couple of times for comfort when the pain has been especially bad.  And I have gained back 6 pounds.  But I haven't yet chased down that overly-stuffed, gorged feeling.  I think that empty void that I'd been trying to fill for so long has been filled with something other than food.  It is now filled with resolve.  

I am resolved that I will succeed in becoming a healthy version of me.  I am resolved that I will be able to run and play with my daughter before she is a teenager and has no interest in "running and playing".  I am resolved that I will look in the mirror and not hate the body that I see there.  I am resolved that the reason I will no longer hate that body isn't because it's going to resemble some kind of runway model, but because it is my instrument; my tool to live my life to it's fullest.  And I am resolved that it is going to do just that.

So, please, as I write about my journey here, send me good thoughts and prayers that that resolve holds up.  

Thus endeth the history lessons.  

Now to go create a new history for myself!

Friday, May 17, 2013

The History of Fat: Part 1

Okay, it's really the history of my fat. I'm not planning on telling you the many ways in which ancient Egyptians used olive oil. That's...well, that's information for a different blog. And...you know...not interesting.

But I digress...

When I was a wee little tyke, I was a pretty skinny little kid. In fact I remember my family calling me "Skinny Minnie" and telling me I had a "bony bum" when I would sit on their lap. 

So, how did I go from "Skinny Minnie" to having men yell, "F*ck you're fat!" at me from their truck windows? (A real occurrence that did marvels for my self-confidence let me tell ya!)

The answer is twofold - poverty and ignorance. Let me say first off that I use the word ignorance in its truest form, meaning simply a lack of knowledge. 

My mom was also a big lady. She was always a little chubby as a kid.  You know, she got boobs early, got teased about it, and thus began her own body image issues. She was also never taught proper eating habits. She came from a generation that taught women that they should always be "dieting". (Worst. Word. Ever.) Women weren't taught to eat in moderation or to make mostly healthy food choices so that the odd unhealthy choice was outweighed. (If you'll excuse the unintentional pun.) They were taught that dainty ladies ate like a bird, and if you carried any extra pounds, the way to get rid of them was to starve yourself until they were gone. 

So, this was the knowledge that society gave my mom, which explains her ignorance. An ignorance she passed on to me. 

I want to be clear that I am not blaming my mom. She had to fight with her weight all her life and so she was lovingly determined to make sure I didn't suffer the same fate.  So when, as a result of the generally poor nutrition that our family enjoyed, I began to get a little pot belly around the age of eight, I'm sure my mom saw flashes of my unhappy, fat future and panicked. 

Thus my first diet and my first lesson that, "food is the enemy."

My first diet consisted of drinking those "Slimfast" shakes. Remember those?

"Give us a week; we'll take off the weight!" 

They were meal replacement shakes. You had a shake for breakfast and lunch and then a "sensible" dinner. 

I thought this was going to be great! I get to drink MILKSHAKES for my meals?! Sa-Weet!!  Oh, wait. Nope, I HAVE to drink a disgusting, medicin-y tasting, vaguely dairy, pink goop. Mmmm!!!

It was not successful. 

But let me tell you how my little 8-year-old body interpreted this "diet":

"Oh my!! Someone is trying to starve this poor little girl!! Okay, I'll help her out. Whatever food she actually gets, I'm gonna store it as fat so that the next time she's starved like this, she'll have lots of fuel to live off."

And so began the yo-yo ride.

At the age of 12, I was 130 lbs, which I'll grant you is kinda chubby for a kid, but my body runs naturally toward the curvy, and if I'd started eating properly and in moderation, I would have been fine.  I also had a decent amount of muscle on me, because I pushed my mom's wheelchair around and lifted her up and down sidewalks and such.  And like I said, she was a bigger lady.  But none of these good traits were noticed or cared about.  I was simply a number on a scale and that number was TOO HIGH!!!

So, my mom made a deal with me.  She would give me a great diet that was guaranteed to make me lose weight.  And if I lost 10 lbs in one week (SO HEALTHY!) she would buy me the two dresses I'd been eyeing.  I agreed to the deal and it felt like a fun challenge.

By this time, I too was paranoid about my weight.  I was tired of being made fun of in school.  I had earned the dubious nickname of "Hips" at my Junior High.  Kids would yell down the hallway at me; "H-H-H-Hips!!"  It was not fun.

Instead of dealing with the bullying, my mom told me the solution was to change the way I looked so that they couldn't make fun of me anymore.  I so wish she'd told me that I was fine the way I was and if I'd just hold on to those lovely curves one day they would be very popular.  But that wasn't the way she was taught, and so we struck the deal.

My mom's "no-fail" diet was to eat nothing but consomme soup for the week.  In case you don't know, consomme soup is just a beef broth.  So, that's what I ate for the week.  And man, did those pounds ever fly off.  I did lose the 10 pounds (actually 12 lbs if I remember correctly) and my mom was so proud.  "That's will power!"

I was so pleased with the results that I continued to eat consomme soup for breakfast and lunch and then a tiny something for supper.  Usually some kind of fruit or vegetable, because  I didn't want to be "unhealthy".

Of course these kind of horrible eating habits couldn't be kept up forever.  Before long I was tired of having an empty stomach all the time and the consomme soup diet was shelved alongside all the other fad diets I tried; including one where I ate nothing but no-calorie, diet Jello.  Who wouldn't want to eat Jello all the time?!  Um...me...as it turns out.  To this day I can't stand lime Jello.  *shudder*

These terrible eating patterns of months of over-eating followed by a month or two of starvation continued over the next couple of years.

Then my mom died and food stopped being my enemy and became my best friend; my helpmate; my succor when I was broken-hearted.  This was MUCH worse.

(We'll continue the saga of the Linda's fat in tomorrow's edition of; "As the Fat Turns".)


Thursday, May 16, 2013

Day 1. The realization.

So, I was wallowing yesterday.  I was thinking about my latest doctor visit.  My back is MESSED UP!  I have a majorly protruding disc which is crushing my sciatic nerve.  So, basically - OUCH!!

My doctor says "SURGERY" and he says that it is unlikely to get better on its own.  So, immediately I started planning for my future of pain and immobility.  Naturally, this made me very sad.

But as I was laying there on my side in my bed (which is one of the only truly comfortable positions I can be in) I began to realize something.  If my vertebrae are squeezing the disc in my back which is in turn squeezing my sciatic nerve, what would happen if I took off a bunch of the pressure on my vertebrae?  What kind of difference would that make?  My doctor says it's unlikely to heal on its own.  But does he say that because I'm over 300 lbs and with that kind of pressure, the disc is never going to be able to pop back in?  Maybe he just doesn't think I can lose the weight.  Maybe he just doesn't have faith in me.  Do I have faith in me?

That was when I started to think about my two biggest goals; goals I've had for years.  

Goal number 1:  Get to a healthy weight.
Goal number 2:  Write.  Everyday.

So, it suddenly occurred to me, that if I was brave enough, I might be able to work on both of these goals together.  The answer was there in front of me.

A blog.

I could use Goal Number 2 to help achieve Goal Number 1.  So, here we are in cyberland.  I'm hoping this blog reaches people and actually manages to help other people reach their goals, whatever their number.  

So, please feel free to share this and comment.  I'd really like to get a conversation going.  

See you tomorrow!