Friday, May 31, 2013
Apologize and Say Thank You!
That's right the end of the week is here at last and it is time to be PROUD of how fabulous we all are!
Today I have an exercise for us to do that involves apologizing to our bodies for the CRAP we put them through and thanking them for the challenges they've gotten us through.
Yeah, I know taking to your body may make the men with the butterfly nets come and haul you away, but let's just try it.
So, here's what you do - make a list. (I have a feeling a lot of Fabulous Fridays exercises are going to require lists. But, hey, I'm a Virgo, I love lists!)
First, list 3 (or more) things that you have done, or do regularly, to your body that is hard on it. Then list 3 (or more) challenges that your body has met and overcome.
So, I'll go first.
Apology List:
1. The most obvious thing is that, throughout the years, I have ignored its signals and continued to put on more and more weight. This is hard on my whole body; from my joints to my heart to my lungs. Sorry.
2. In spite of the fact that I carry around all this weight, I tend to push my body past what it is capable of doing in its present shape. Carrying around over 300 pounds ain't an easy gig. Yet, I have often expected my body to perform all the same tasks as a body that is only carrying around half the weight. Sorry.
3. I NEVER pee when I have to. I put it off and put it off when I'm busy doing something, which is always. My poor bladder. It occurred to me the other day, how stupid this is. I'm always thinking, "K - I'll pee as soon as I'm done this." For pete's sake! Go to the bathroom now!!! Sorry.
Gratitude List:
1. The greatest thing my body has ever done was to help to create and shelter my beautiful baby girl for 41 weeks. Then it worked (VERY HARD!!) to bring her out into the world. I don't think it will ever face a more monumental challenge than that. But it came through for me by giving me this healthy, perfect little being. Thank you!
2. I have had 3 surgeries in my life. I've had my tonsils removed; my gallbladder removed; and had a Cesarean section. My body has pulled me through all three surgeries and healed itself quite quickly, with a minimum amount of pain. Thank you!
3. I have a really great immune system. I am rarely sick. I mean, I get sick, but not very often. Even when I'm around sick people, my body is usually able to keep me defended from the germs. Thank you.
So those are some of the great things my body has done or is doing and all the things I'm going to try to stop doing to it. (Phew! Say that sentence 3 times fast!)
Go ahead and make your own lists, and show your body a little love today. Slather on a bit of lotion, treat it to a massage, or, you know - just don't wait to pee!
Ah...gotta go! ;)
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Healthy, Easy, and CHEAP!!
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Fat vs Skinny! The war must stop.
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
So, You've Had a Bad Day...
There's no happy face to put on that; it's just the truth. There are days in our lives where we want nothing more than to be able to crawl back under the covers and start the day again. Or; even better, just stay under those covers and ignore the world.
For those of us to whom food is our comfort; how do we cope? How do you get through the days when you wanna pull all your hair out of your head, without falling back into the bad pattern of emotional eating? Or ending up bald.
Well, I have a few suggestions that may help you resist temptation and keep yourself firmly planted "on the wagon".
1. Find something creative to do. This could involve almost anything. It may seem strange, but I've found the act of creating something helps me to feel productive and gives me a sense of accomplishment. These things inevitably make a bad day a little better.
Also, if you can find something creative to do that keeps your hands busy (like knitting or painting or working on a car or bicycle) so much the better. They're less likely to stray over to a piece of chocolate if they are engaged in a task.
2. Exercise. Sometimes all our frustration and annoyance with a bad day can be "worked off" if we get moving. This can be especially difficult for those of us who only "feel better" when we snuggle up with a giant bowl of ice cream and a big fat book.
But the snuggle and the book (and even a small amount of ice cream) can come later, after you've taken the edge off your frustration by expending some energy. And the calories you'll burn will make it possible for you to enjoy that little scoop of ice cream without it unraveling your healthy living plan.
3. Clean something. This sort of combines the first two. While cleaning can't really be seen as "creative", when you're finished, you certainly feel a sense of accomplishment. And it is DEFINITELY exercise.
4. Dance. I don't care if you used to be a ballerina or if you don't know how to dance the Bunny Hop. Dancing is a great way to exercise, be creative, and work off frustration or anger at the same time. Even sadness can be eased with dancing. Music has INCREDIBLY powerful healing qualities. Just listening to music can help you to release pent up feelings. And if you dance along to the music you are not only burning calories, you are allowing your body to express emotion for you.
It is also a terrific way to help you become more in tune with your body. Plus - it just feels good. Trust me, when you are ANGRY nothing feels quite as good as ROCKING OUT to Alanis Morissette's "You Oughta Know".
5. Journal your feelings; or talk to someone who will really listen. If you've got people in your life (like I am blessed with) who will JUST LISTEN to you when you need to vent, count yourself very lucky. Now, I mean people who will let you vent and simply be there, without trying to add their problems onto yours. You know what I mean, people who have to "top" your story. You tell them why you're so mad and they say something like, "Nevermind, just wait till I tell you what Jessica did!" And suddenly the story is all about them.
Btw, as a side note, I just LOVE when people respond to what I just told them by saying, "Nevermind! Listen to this!" In other words, "who gives a crap about everything you just said - NEVERMIND IT! What I'm about to tell you is WAY more important and interesting." NOT a good conversationalist.
But, I digress. If you don't have a "venting partner" in your life, then journal it. Some people find it hard to journal, and I understand that. Sometimes it just takes practice.
I advise people who are having a hard time, to write just EXACTLY what they are feeling in that second. And keep writing whatever thoughts pop into your head. If it makes absolutely no sense - WHO CARES! No one will see it but you. It's just your own tool to work on those feelings in a healthy way.
So, I hope there were some ideas here that will help you get through the next bad day without falling off the wagon and resorting to food.
But I'll finish by saying this. If you do step off your healthy path for a day, step back onto it tomorrow. Do NOT let one bad day derail your whole plan. A bad day, is just that (even if it turns into a COUPLE of bad days). Pick yourself up and start back tomorrow. Because you owe it to yourself to keep on going.
Good luck. And here's hoping today is a GREAT day!!!
Monday, May 27, 2013
A Remembrance
Sunday, May 26, 2013
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Way to Go/No! No! No!
“In every school there are the cool and popular kids, and then there are the not-so-cool kids. Candidly, we go after the cool kids. We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends. A lot of people don’t belong, and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely.”
Wow! What a FANTASTIC way to teach teens that their social standing in high school is all-important and that they will continue to be EXCLUDED in the adult world if they are not popular and don't look like models during their high school run.
Teens of the world! Harken ye to what I'm about to say. You know...listen up!
When you get to adulthood, no one gives a CRAP about how popular and beautiful you were in high school. In fact the people who peaked in high school are a bit of a joke out here in adult-land. Do not listen to this man who, judging by his obviously botched plastic surgeries, has a MAJORLY bad self-image and is trying to compensate by making himself more "exclusionary", and making others feel like less.
The A and F brand have also stop selling anything above a size 10, because they don't want fat people wearing their clothing. In the immortally genius words of the fantastic, Ellen DeGeneres:
Fitch, please!
The fact that they can sell their over-priced clothing to ANYONE should be seen as a miracle. Nothing above a size 10? Seriously?
Thankfully, Karma can be a real...fitch. Cause their first quarter sales are 17% below Wall Street projections. So...Ha. Ha. It seems being "exclusionary" is NOT a good marketing strategy after all.
That concludes this weeks game of Way to Go/No! No! No! I hope you've enjoyed yourself and will join us again next Saturday!!
Friday, May 24, 2013
Fabulous Fridays!!!
Society sends a lot of messages to women about how un-fabulous we are and how we should all be striving to be something other than what we are presently. If you're fat, you're told that you're unattractive and slovenly. If you're skinny you're told that you look like an anorexic stick. There is no pleasing "society". So don't try.
Instead, try to please yourself. Realize the AMAZING person you already are in whatever body you're in.
You are beautiful just the way you are - right now - today! Most of us (myself included, obviously) are trying to change our bodies to our ideal. We want healthy, strong and fit bodies. And that's a good goal. But I firmly believe that to achieve those goals, we have to LOVE our body exactly as it is today.
So, Fridays are going to be all about Finding Our Fabulousness! (So what if that's not a word!) Every Friday, I'm going to have some kind of body image improvement exercise for us all to do.
Here is today's:
Find five things that you really like about yourself right now.
Now, although character traits are important (much more important than physical attributes, of course) this exercise is about fixing our negative BODY image issues, so I don't want us to focus on all of our wonderful character traits.
Instead find five things about your body (or face - but try to focus more on your body) that you like. It may seem like a lot of emphasis to put on our body, but that's the point. As fat women we either IGNORE our bodies or HATE our bodies. So, by actually thinking about them and examining them, it will help us to get in touch with them. And if we know them better, we may come to love them and realize the beauty of our bodies, just as they are.
So, without further ado, here are my five: (Btw, I really do LOVE the "ado", as you might have guessed from my mammoth blogs - and my inability to simply say, "without further ado"!)
- My eyes. I like my eyes because they change colour (they're hazel) depending on my mood and my clothing. I think that's cool. I was also blessed with long eyelashes, so I don't have to wear mascara very often. (See, I had to start with the face, cause it's TOUGH to find "body things" that I like.)
- My feet. It may seem bizarre since there is really no such thing as "attractive feet". (Unless you have some kind of odd foot fetish!) But I like my feet. The toes aren't too weird looking and I have a nice high arch; which admittedly can make it tough to find shoes, but which I find aesthetically pleasing.
- My fingernails. (This may be stretching things, but hey - I'm working on it.) But I do actually like my fingernails. Again, they have a nice natural curve to them. I only have to give them minimal attention and they still look decent. They can look FABULOUS when they're all filed and painted. They look great in a french manicure.
- My skin. It's fairly smooth, with not a lot of blemishes. I don't have overly dry or overly oily skin. There are; of course, quite a few stretch marks, but I'm going to have to learn to live with those. Other than that, I'm really very happy with my skin. I like the colour (although, it could be a tad less pasty.) and the texture.
- My legs. After much consideration, I have decided that, YES, I DO like my legs. They may be pretty flabby at the moment and too big for society's standards, but we've already decided to blow a big raspberry at society. So I'll go ahead and say; YEP, I like my legs. They are really quite strong. (They ARE carrying around over 300 pounds!) and they have a decent shape. They are a little short, but I like the line of my calves.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Shh...Do Ya Wanna Get Sued?!!
But the one thing you'll never hear me do, is blame fast food chains for my weight problem.
There's a big movement going on right now to try and hold fast food chains and other junk food manufacturers accountable for the obesity problem that is so prevalent in our society. A lot of people are comparing fast food places to Big Tobacco. Since smokers have been trying to sue Big Tobacco for contributing to their lung diseases, some people are saying that we fat people should be suing "Big Junk Food".
Here's why this is ridiculous.
Unlike Big Tobacco, at no point has any fast food place claimed that eating one of their mammoth burgers was "no more harmful than drinking a glass of milk." They may not dwell on the high fat content in their food, but they've never tried to lie about it or have doctors claim that their french fries have a "lower grease content". The nutritional information, in all it's scariness, is located on the back of the tray liners in most fast food places. And all food, junk food included, now has the nutritional information printed on the package.
At no point did someone from the McDonald's corporation put a gun to my head and frog march me into one of their restaurants and force me to ingest their highly unhealthy food. I went in there all on my own.
Now, do they advertise really well so that by the time a child is a toddler, they probably know what the "golden arches" stand for? Yep. Do they show, in their commercials and magazine ads, skinny people eating a tiny burger and a salad - as if anyone has EVER ordered that? Yep. Do they tie themselves in with popular summer blockbusters so that people are more likely to go there to get the limited edition cups, or toys, or hats, or WHATEVER they're promoting? Yep.
But I'll tell you a secret. None of those things mean I NEED to go to McDonald's or any other fast food restaurant. Parents are always claiming how hard it is to say no to their kids when they want a Happy Meal or a Kid's Meal.
"They give away toys and then my kids want them!!"
Yep. I'm sorry, but I have to be harsh and say - Suck it up, Buttercup!! Saying no, is part of being a parent. It's healthy for you to learn to say it, and it's REALLY healthy for your kid to hear it. (But that could be a whole other blog post!!)
My point is, that none of these tricks that companies use to get me in the door, mean that it's their fault that I am fat. I CHOSE to walk into the McDonald's or the Wendy's or the A&W. And I CHOSE to buy that bag of lays chips - and NO, I could NOT eat just one.
They may have tried hard to persuade me with their advertising (that's kind the WHOLE point of advertising!!) but in the end the decision was mine whether to eat that unhealthy burger or stay at home and make a healthy sandwich.
I'll tell you another secret. My lifestyle changes will still include the occasional trip to a fast food restaurant or a slice of pizza. EVERYTHING in moderation. MODERATION. Which means ordering that small burger and a salad that I said no one ever orders. Or, having a grilled wrap and a small fries and just enjoying the treat.
All of this is just to say that McDonald's can probably breathe easy. I'm not gonna sue.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
How Do We Keep the Next Generation Healthy in Body AND Mind?
Now I know a lot of you are going to charge me with being biased because every parent thinks their child is amazing. But seriously, this kid is truly fantastic! She's smart and bright and sweet and SO kind and loving. When my back is in unbearable amounts of pain, she comes up and lays her hands on my back and tells me she's going to give me some of her "healthy" power. And sometimes she'll sing me a little song too:
"When you're feeling bad; Just keep on going through!
You just have to keep on going, and soooooon it will be better!"
I SO want her to stay that way.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
The obesity epidemic...finding a cure.
Monday, May 20, 2013
Don't Make Me Defend Kim Kardashian!
But I REALLY dislike that persona; the one that is nothing but a reality show fame whore seeking out attention at all costs. (See, I REALLY don't like her.)
But recently she wore a truly hideous dress (in my humble opinion) to a red carpet event and was photographed a million times over in said hideous dress. Then the images were plastered on every magazine and webpage in existence with gleefully spite-filled headings like, "Kim packs on the pounds!" and "Kim Kauses Komotion" (don't get me started on the horribleness of that last one!)
What was seemingly overlooked or at least not seen as an acceptable excuse, was the fact that she is growing a human being inside her uterus. Has she put on some weight? Yep. Is she full of water and blood and amniotic fluid and a developing human? Yeah? Then cut her some friggin' slack!!
It makes me angry enough to see all those crap headlines that track every inch Kirstie Alley gains and loses and the ones about, "Who Has the Worst Beach Body?". But to get after a PREGNANT woman for gaining weight? What the heck is next? Upbraiding the elderly for having wrinkles? (Oh wait! Society kind of already does that!) Maybe she's gained a little more weight than what is strictly baby and maybe she hasn't. The point is why does the media and our society at large care so much?
It's because being a larger woman means you've committed a crime against society's laws. If you're larger than a size 4, maybe it means that you don't buy into the media brainwashing that everyone has to BE a size 4 or smaller to be happy.
This leaves you open for ridicule like no other trait. We have thankfully evolved past the days when it was culturally acceptable to ridicule people because of the colour of their skin or because of their ethnicity. We are (ever so slowly) leaving behind the days when sexual orientation was something that people (adults anyway) could openly make fun of.
But don't worry, bullies of the adult world, cause fat women (fat people, really) are still fair game. That's because most people still see fat people as lazy and stupid; too lazy to exercise and too stupid to understand how to eat healthy.
But the fact is that poverty plays the biggest role in why people become overweight. I'm going to have a much bigger rant on that another day.
For now, can we just agree to stop picking on Ms. Kardashian because she had the audacity to gain a couple of pounds during PREGNACY, and go back to picking on her because her stupid reality shows are bringing down the collective intelligence of the viewing public?
See, I really don't like defending her!
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Saturday, May 18, 2013
The History of Fat: Part 2
I want to stress that I'm not talking about a regular, healthy, full feeling. That's what you should be looking for; you should be listening to your body's natural signals that will tell you, "Ding! That's it, your stomach is full and you've received all the nutrition and fuel you need right now."
I'm talking about a stretched out, filled beyond capacity feeling. Gorged. I'm talking - a whole extra large pizza; 12 hot wings; 16 cinnamon sticks; and a bag of chips - kind of full. The kind of over-stuffing that gets you to over 300 pounds. And I found myself unable to stop "chasing the high" that came with that STUFFED feeling. I simply couldn't feel "settled" without it. If I ate less than that, I felt like I was missing something; hungry for something far beyond the food I craved.
It's incredibly hard to explain if you've never experienced it, but what I've finally come to understand is that I had comforted myself with food for so long that without that feeling, I was unable to feel happy and comforted. It was like an itch. Like a need. Like an addiction. There was no doubt about it.
And as I sat in my living room, jonesing for a pizza to the point of desperation, it occurred to me, finally, at the ripe old age of 30, that maybe, just maybe I had a problem bigger than just not fitting into a size 6.
I'd like to be able to say that that moment of epiphany made all the difference and I immediately kicked the habit and have been shedding off the pounds ever since. But, of course, I wouldn't be here, writing this today, if that was the case. It took a LONG time and a LOT of soul-searching, depression-fighting and frustration-coping (with a fair bit more denial thrown in) before I was finally, actually ready to do something about it.
The moment came last May long weekend when I went out to our extended family's trailer for the day and broke one of their chairs. This was NOT a spindly little chair. This was a big, "bought especially for me", rugged camp chair. You know the kind; it's made of canvas and folds up to be put away. Well, our lovely friends had thought about me and bought me a chair that would be just mine to use when I was there. It was made especially strong and was meant, I'm sure, to be used by big, ice-fishing men.
Well, I broke it.
I was sitting on it and all of a sudden - SNAP!! One of the rivets broke on it. And that was it. That was my "turn around" moment. Not only was it incredibly embarrassing (In spite of the assurances that "It's no big deal!" and "It was probably just a weak rivet.") but it was also amazing to me that I had actually allowed myself to get to that point.
So, the next day I went to my doctor's office and weighed myself for the first time in years. I was 355 lbs. I was OVER three hundred and fifty pounds. It was a little heart-breaking, but also kind of solidifying. I was now 100% sure that I was done with making food more than fuel for my body. So, that afternoon I pulled out some old Weight Watchers stuff I had and began "counting points" the very next day.
I did things slowly and there were a couple of setbacks, after all when a drug addict or alcoholic get sober they can avoid all contact with their addiction. That's not really possible with food.
But I had hit my "rock bottom" and was definitely ready to scratch my way back up. I was doing great all summer and into the beginning of the fall. In total, I lost 46 lbs and was down to 309 lbs. I was close to breaking the 300 pound mark; a barrier that I was very excited to see the other side of. Then in the middle of October, the Universe decided to send another challenge my way, so out popped a disc in my back.
Over the last eight months I've been dealing with incredible pain and fighting off a lot of depression. It seemed to me for a while that the Universe didn't want me to succeed; that this was some kind of karmic retribution for never fully understanding the pain my mom had dealt with for years and years.
But I have now come to a different, and much more hopeful conclusion. I believe that the pain I'm in now is a direct result of having cared improperly for my body for A LONG time. Then when I began exercising more, my body was simply unprepared for the changes and it got hurt. It's nothing more than biology and physics. I was a body out of motion for so long that I could no longer handle being in motion.
(And maybe, just maybe, the Universe saw this as a chance to challenge whether or not, I was real in my desire to change.)
I have to admit, that I have turned to food a couple of times for comfort when the pain has been especially bad. And I have gained back 6 pounds. But I haven't yet chased down that overly-stuffed, gorged feeling. I think that empty void that I'd been trying to fill for so long has been filled with something other than food. It is now filled with resolve.
I am resolved that I will succeed in becoming a healthy version of me. I am resolved that I will be able to run and play with my daughter before she is a teenager and has no interest in "running and playing". I am resolved that I will look in the mirror and not hate the body that I see there. I am resolved that the reason I will no longer hate that body isn't because it's going to resemble some kind of runway model, but because it is my instrument; my tool to live my life to it's fullest. And I am resolved that it is going to do just that.
So, please, as I write about my journey here, send me good thoughts and prayers that that resolve holds up.
Thus endeth the history lessons.
Now to go create a new history for myself!
Friday, May 17, 2013
The History of Fat: Part 1
When I was a wee little tyke, I was a pretty skinny little kid. In fact I remember my family calling me "Skinny Minnie" and telling me I had a "bony bum" when I would sit on their lap.
And so began the yo-yo ride.
At the age of 12, I was 130 lbs, which I'll grant you is kinda chubby for a kid, but my body runs naturally toward the curvy, and if I'd started eating properly and in moderation, I would have been fine. I also had a decent amount of muscle on me, because I pushed my mom's wheelchair around and lifted her up and down sidewalks and such. And like I said, she was a bigger lady. But none of these good traits were noticed or cared about. I was simply a number on a scale and that number was TOO HIGH!!!
So, my mom made a deal with me. She would give me a great diet that was guaranteed to make me lose weight. And if I lost 10 lbs in one week (SO HEALTHY!) she would buy me the two dresses I'd been eyeing. I agreed to the deal and it felt like a fun challenge.
By this time, I too was paranoid about my weight. I was tired of being made fun of in school. I had earned the dubious nickname of "Hips" at my Junior High. Kids would yell down the hallway at me; "H-H-H-Hips!!" It was not fun.
Instead of dealing with the bullying, my mom told me the solution was to change the way I looked so that they couldn't make fun of me anymore. I so wish she'd told me that I was fine the way I was and if I'd just hold on to those lovely curves one day they would be very popular. But that wasn't the way she was taught, and so we struck the deal.
My mom's "no-fail" diet was to eat nothing but consomme soup for the week. In case you don't know, consomme soup is just a beef broth. So, that's what I ate for the week. And man, did those pounds ever fly off. I did lose the 10 pounds (actually 12 lbs if I remember correctly) and my mom was so proud. "That's will power!"
I was so pleased with the results that I continued to eat consomme soup for breakfast and lunch and then a tiny something for supper. Usually some kind of fruit or vegetable, because I didn't want to be "unhealthy".
Of course these kind of horrible eating habits couldn't be kept up forever. Before long I was tired of having an empty stomach all the time and the consomme soup diet was shelved alongside all the other fad diets I tried; including one where I ate nothing but no-calorie, diet Jello. Who wouldn't want to eat Jello all the time?! Um...me...as it turns out. To this day I can't stand lime Jello. *shudder*
These terrible eating patterns of months of over-eating followed by a month or two of starvation continued over the next couple of years.
Then my mom died and food stopped being my enemy and became my best friend; my helpmate; my succor when I was broken-hearted. This was MUCH worse.
(We'll continue the saga of the Linda's fat in tomorrow's edition of; "As the Fat Turns".)